Awhile back me and my friend were hitting my new homemade bong (piece o shit) in the woods, and were all torn up. i go home, and we're having steak for dinner. fuck yeah! I tore up 2 t-bones, a baked potato and a plate of peas, and I don't feel too good. I went to the bathroom and deduced ever so logically that the sink would be better to throw up in. Long story short, the sink was full of puke. Realizing the error of my stoned ways, i started shoveling it out and into the toilet with the cup i use for rinsing. I forgot about it by the next day...when I brushed my teeth and rinsed!

Yesterday me and a friend got so stoned we made drum beats on our knees and started singing 'humma humma hummm' over and over again until we both greened out really badly

About the only time I can actually somewhat enjoy cleaning is while im high, so my roomate and I hit a bowl and I start with the laundry. After sobering up I pulled a leather jacket out of the washing mashine....

one time me and my friend went through the drive-thru of McDonald's really fucked up. we get to the microphone and ask for whoppers. this Spanish woman taking our order is like "what" and we just keep yelling "whopper!" into the microphone. so shes "let me get my manager." so this other Spanish dude comes on and is like "what seems to be the problem?" Me and my friend, thinking that we've done nothing wrong and starting to get really pissed, yell back at this guy, "Look, I don't know what the problem is we just want 2 WHOPPERS" we then realize that McDonald's does big mac not whoppers. we then realize our mistake and start cracking up for like 5 minutes before finally telling this guy that we actually want 2 big macs. haha the guy must have known we were high as shit. ALSO: did you know that 4 things off the dollar menu at McDonald's is $4.20? coincidence? i think not.

I was with my friend smoking. We get through 4 bowl packs of chronic and next thing we know his parents are pulling up the drive way. I looked at my friend, who's eyes looked like swollen vaginas and said "Oh shit!'. He told me to go into his sisters room and hide in the closet. So, I'm in there hiding in the closet freaking the fuck out while listening to his parents banging on his door telling him to "Get the fuck out of there, we smell the pot!". And his dad storms off down the hall and I hear his mom go "I thought I told you no more smoking in the house!". Well, this is going on for like 20 minutes, and all I hear is his dad yelling in there threatening to kill him. I'm all like "wtf, please don't come in here". Then I hear the motorcycles fired up and drive off. My friend comes into the room and goes "My high is gone" I go "Mine too". We then smoked the rest of the pot. Good times, good times.

The other day I was completely stoned in class after lunch. We are not allowed to eat, but I was grubbing away because I had the munchies so bad. My teacher comes over to me and goes, "What were YOU doing at lunch?" with a smile on his face. The whole class started laughing. Busted.

Not me but MY CRIPPLE FRIEND needed help going to the bathroom, partly because everyone was piss drunk and partly because his wheelchair wouldn't fit through the doorway. I picked him up and sat him on the toilet then left and closed the door. 5 minutes later he crawls to the door and bangs on it so I open up and help him back in his chair. Only then do I notice he is wearing the toilet seat around his neck.

4 people in the car, road trip to florida, 4 in the morning we pull into mcdonalds, the driver is outraged that you cant buy breakfast at 4 in the morning, about 5 minutes later the driver claimed that he had the penis in the conversation (drivethrough worker is female) and that he says when breakfast is, 10 minutes later the woman is at the window of our car serving us hotcakes and oj, i felt bad about it kinda.

o I was on the road in my car (a heavy '77 junker benz). I was blazed out of my mind, driving with a bunch of my stoner friends. I was driving on this street, and went to change the station. after I changed the station I just kinda stared at the radio for a while. Then I heard this loud BANG! I look up and I've plowed through a fence and I'm in somebodies backyard. Everybody in the car's freaking out. So I hit it in reverse, and get the hell out of there. I guess nobody was around, cuz I never got in trouble for it.

Okay so there was this one time where me and a couple of friends got baked in a homies backyard. We were smoking bowl after bowl till I was completely baked. So then i was sitting there staring into space then all of a sudden I notice something that looked like a nug, so i was like "OHHSHIT! I FOUND BUD!" so then I threw it in the bowl and looked at it.. wondering why it didnt have any crystals or orange hairs. Then my friend was like "dude... thats dry dog shit."