So one day I was drunk at a house party, my friend was sober. I hear his girlfriend say "guys, don't look over here". Naturally we all looked in her general direction to see that my friend was getting a BJ in the middle of the room. They were both sober, thank god I was just too drunk to care.

The bassist in my band has this great story that we are constantly ribbing him for - its called the Solid Snake incident, basically he got paralytically drunk at a bar, woke up in a bathroom stall getting a blowjob from what he thought was the girl he was with at the time, at this point everything is fine, only he double checks and does a double take when he realises its actually an old man sucking him off, he suddenly wakes the fuck up, pulls out and runs out the stall. It's called the solid snake incident because apparently the guy looked like old snake, with the grey mustache, the running joke is that the tickly mustache hair is what woke him up.

Got drunk at a house party we threw. Got a friend to jump the fence into the neighborhood pool and let everyone in. At 1 A.M I decided I wanted to swim and sit at the same time, and moved half of the pool furniture INTO the pool. Security caught us about 2 A.M (the pool closed at 10 P.M.) and told us to be careful as someone had broken a glass bottle in the corner earlier. He then walked off and left us sitting in the pool.

On halloween, walked into a party wearing a ski mask, huge furry coat, and carrying a realistic airsoft AK, scared the hit out of half the party, when a guy dressed as a cop walked in the door I jumped out from behind a wall and shoved it into his face screaming gibberish, drunkenly sang Atheist Anthem by Leftover Crack at the top of my lungs, and walked around the backyard and church parking lot across the street screaming "ALLAHU ACKBAR" while firing the AK into the air and lighting off fireworks, I then took a 2 minute long piss off a balcony which I had to cut short because people noticed me, passed out in a comfy rear end bed by 10pm, and then woke up at 3 still drunk but not sick drunk anymore and went downstairs to the basement into a dark room full of kids on acid by flinging the door open and yelling, we later went around blasting land down under on my PSP at like 7am and putting it up to sleeping peoples faces until they woke up, among many other things.

Well, one time me and my cousin and a car full of people pulled up to Taco Bell, and the driver's just like "Alright, everyone just be cool." So everyone just goes through and orders acting like they're all normal, and then its my turn, so I jump up to the front and start yelling, HOLA. ME LLAMO ENCHILADA. I'LL HAVE FUCKIN... EIGHT TACOS. AND SUPREMO NACHOS. WITH EXTRA SUPREMO. Then there was an awkward pause and the lady was starting to say something and then I just blurt out DO NOT FORGET MY COLA Beavis style.

One night, we had a bunch of people get wasted only to have a guy drop down on a bike with no seat who then went around yelling that he had been ****ed in the ass by a bike. Later that night I got into a fight with him. Not much to this other then my head being slammed into a wall in which I yelled "haha I can't feel a thing" then pounded his head into the floor till he gave up.

Not me but MY CRIPPLE FRIEND needed help going to the bathroom, partly because everyone was piss drunk and partly because his wheelchair wouldn't fit through the doorway. I picked him up and sat him on the toilet then left and closed the door. 5 minutes later he crawls to the door and bangs on it so I open up and help him back in his chair. Only then do I notice he is wearing the toilet seat around his neck.

I spent a weekend in Vegas getting drunk with two other guys and two girls. Every time we got in an elevator with other people I would started grunting like I was having some awesome sex. The other guys would join and it would become an symphony of mansex noises every time we changed floors. The girls hated it and every time the other people in the elevator would get off on the next floor. I can't say that I blame them.

I was in a club with some of my military buddies one night, and I wasn't dancing, just drinking. When I stood up to go home, it suddenly hit my body just how very drunk I was. I felt extremely nauseus and went into the ladies room to vomit. I don't really know how long I was in there, but I heard a girl say, "Oh, my God! You guys, there's someone passed out in here!" I thought to myself, "Wow, someone's passed out in here?" It took me a few seconds to realize they were talking about me.

I got so drunk in a dorm room I (while blacked out) walked out of the room I was in, naked, made my way to the elevator and pressed all the buttons. The only one that worked was the ground floor (because I didn't have a swipe-key to access any of the other floors). I awoke from my blacked-outedness while on the way down to the bottom floor wearing nothing but my socks. I really wish I could have stayed blacked out, because all I could do is patiently wait through ten floors. I have never felt so vulnerable. The door opened and I was greeted by a security officer who looked up at me and, to my surprise, did not look surprised at all -- I guess it happens fairly often. I murmured "help..." and he swiped me back up. The end.